Something Stupid.... like I love you

What happens when you apply force on a soft wood... it bends... and when you put some more force... it bends some more ...and more.... untill it breaks...

Women have always been considered as the softer one...you apply force and she bends... and you apply a bit more force.... knowing you can bend her more.

From the stern commnads in past to gentler suggestions now... tone may change and format may change... intent doesn't.... she is supposed to bear and endure in silence.

You expect her to take care of the family, nurture and care for her children, while you enjoy your life. Men ain't supposed to balance kids and work. Maintaining the house is what a woman marries, not her man. Children are primarily her responsibility, even though she might be juggling a career as well. And in cases, when she is not financially independent, she is at your mercy. She will take care of the house, children, be a full time housekeeper and nanny..yet she "doesn't do anything".

In some cases, men assume that they also get the right to abuse her physically and mentally... insult her in front of her children... undermine her worth and self respect in every way.... make her pity herself every day... feel proud that he is the master of the house...the bread winner... the Man.
She is stabbed every day...by words...by actions... by arrogance. She evaluates her situation every day... wonders what her fault is... thinks what she can do to annoy you less.... untill one day... she breaks...... and then you label her "weak".

Its gonna be a long night

There is this movie, Raavan, a story loosely based on Hindu mythology, except that its written from the villain's end. If the story is stripped out of all nouns, it becomes, " Bad guy's sister commits suicide because of good guy's men. Bad guy kidnaps good guy's wife, but falls in love with her. And then they fight and good guy wins". The thing is that its written from the bad guy's angle. That by the end you are tempted to change sides and feel for the bad guy. That good is not flawless and bad is not all sin. Not anymore for sure.

When there is any conflict, any bloodshed, it ends only in dispair and sadness. Its only the starting of war that may have a right and wrong, moral and immoral attached to it. Quoting Shantaram, "Men wage wars for profit and principle, but they fight them for land and women. " and adding to it, "Men wage wars for profit and principle, they fight them for land and women and with all possible arms" . What if you have missed starting of the scene or you don't trust the version told to you. What if you don't know who stuck the first blow? And all you know is that wrong is being done from both sides. Can you pick sides then?

Isn't it so for most of the war stories told to us? Winner gets to write the history and hence becomes the good guy. Nazis were bad because they killed Jews, Hiroshima and Nagasaki were just two honest mistakes? And more recently, Naxals are killing Indian policemen and centre is thinking about involving army, using more force to end this once and for ever. Nobody can listen the call for peace amongst the war drum rolls. Who is right and who is wrong? As of now, Naxals are not ready for peace negotiations and centre is not ready to drop arms either. The beginning seems to be missing from the story.

Once, the enemies have been identified and blows are struck, all sense of right and wrong dissolve. He killed an innocent guy from your village, you kill another one from his side. The loot is given to the winner and survivors live happily ever after. Nobody represents the innocent by the time war ends. Welcome to the real world.

What a wonderful world

I have noticed that kids these days are under tremendous pressure to perform well, and it starts at a tender age with parents forcing their wards to take studies more "seriously". Some children do commit suicide if they dont do good in their exams. The demand for "all-rounder" kids is growing now. Having everything perfect... a child who is good at sports, studies, not stage shy and can sing if needed!!! The countless talent competition don't help the cause either. Its not good for children to subject them to so much of tension. The child within doesn't live for long this way.


So, some people (including educationists) say that we should stop failing kids upto standard 8. It leads to way too much of peer pressure and depression. Let them believe for some years that its a simple world, where other people are not a threat, where there is nothing like success or failure... nothing going wrong... let them have a cocoon for some years. Is this the solution to a problem or just a stop-gap measure to divert attention and claim "We did something"? Isn't there any way for a healthy competion? I am not a great supporter of 'escapism'. Somehow, I can never be convinced that if you turn your head away problems cease to exist. I dont think closing someone's fragile eyes from seeing the competitive world will save them. Facts done go away if you chose to ignore them.


But what amazes me more is human similarity to ostriches. We are both firm believer of burying the head deep in sand when we see danger. If people hurt us by being more studious/intelligent/smart.. we remove competition. If we see someone abusing their wife or child, we turn our head away. If some one tells us about the sad state the environment has reached or the effects of that little plastic bag or water bottle, we look at them in disbelief and ask not to scare us. We flip the channel when they tell us about the tribal war or dying farmers. We prefer glossy sports section over horrors of khap panchayat or effects of endless mining. We are quite certain that there is nothing wrong with the world, that things are good, getting better and nothing needs to be changed. That we dont have to take out our hands from that shiny glove of comfort to do some cleaning ourselves. Its a wonderful matrix. Stay there... stay happy.

Jesus to a Child

Kanu Sanyal, member of radical Maoist insurgency committed suicide recently. Apparently, he was sad of what has become of Maoism and its principles. It is one of those things that had started with goodness in heart and turned into a demon later on.

Quoting newspapers:
“Pioneer of the Maoist movement in the country, which originated in the Siliguri district of the state, Kanu Sanyal had rubbished the methods used by the Maoists in present times.

He was a strong critic of the on-going Maoist movement in the country and did not support them in their process of unleashing war against their own people in India. Kanu Sanyal also had gone to the extent of criticizing top Maoist leaders for the kind of violence they undertook for the political gains.

In early 1970s, this top Maoist leader too had adopted violence as a mode of operation, which had eventually even led him behind the bars in 1977. However, over a period of time he reportedly realized the importance of talks and discontinued the use of violence in his movement.”

And now nobody with brain placed where it should be, can support Maoists. It has turned into a war with Maoists on one side and state on other, innocent tribal people getting killed in between. It would be long before people can trust Maoists again and suggest peace talks. Its not possible to have talks if you are being shot at as well!!!

I happened to watch the controversy related to Jesus today. That somehow, may be the original message of Jesus was lost in translation. May be, James version of Christianity is older and of the same era as Jesus, instead of Paul’s. May be something was lost in translation or killed. May be!! Nobody knows. May be when God(s) said “Follow me”, he meant, in principle and not in name. May be few good men started religions as an ethical way of living. The way things should function. Things based on peace and prosperity for all. May be down the centuries, this was turned into a power play, with clergies creating deities and customs to ensure their position. No body can ever know.

Some of the worst wrongs were caused by people who tried to change things… People who had good intentions, commitment and honor. From reservation for backward classes, to religion and people’s rights. Somehow, the principles were lost with time or may be deliberately thrown away by “followers”. The views diluted by profit and power. If the same men who started these great things could see what has happened now, they sure won’t like it. Gandhi won’t appreciate of India now, nor would Ambedkar appreciate the reservation system. Honor killing was not the reason why caste system was created in Hinduism, nor does Islam accept polygamy for reasons other than helping a female.

I cannot agree more with Woody Allen, when he says:
"If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."

I'm alive!!!

If a policeman calls you and a thief calls you, who would you rather go to? Or would feel safer? The answer should be an impulsive one in favor of police, apparently it is not. When this was asked from a few friends of mine. Answer wasn't thief either. It was more disturbing, it was "how does it matter anyway". Thief will behave as a cop, he knows he has nothing to lose while you do. And the police....

I often pose the idealistic, naive blind optimist. And quite truly I don't have any first hand experience either (Thank God for that). If you have lost a mobile, they don't write an FIR, what can you do? Yeah its a law...they have to. But like many other things that have to be done, but ain't, it might not be. So do you have any friend in media or higher in the police to raise this up? No you don't. Assume that they do write a complaint. They might use the word "lost" instead of "stolen", would you be in a state of mind to notice this? Or would you doubt what they have written after you have given the description of incident. You may not. For uninitiated people, things lost are not as severe incident as stolen ones. They don't look that bad on police records. And lost things cannot claimed for an insurance. Assume that they tell you that they have some suspects in custody. Would you go and identify him? When police tells that they have no responsibility of your safety after that.

Yes, we should. Yes, unless we did that there won't be any change. Yes, we can't live our lives in fear. But,we are afraid. We are afraid of police, of thieves, of lawyers, of diplomats, of media, of everybody. We are afraid of biking on metro roads... those who take cycle riksha or cycle or even bikes are most likely to be run over. We are afraid of arguing with a cop, no matter who is on the right side of law. We are afraid of raising voice against seniors at work place. We are afraid of going to Kashmir or Assam, our own land lest some terrorists will kill us. We can not move freely in the night in our cities or fight back if someone hits a child or helpless person in front of us. We are silent victim or witnesses of eve-teasing. We are all one scared lot... Scared with every living breath... scared for every living breath.

Is there too much point in living this way? When all things that we have... money..relations..health don't let us sleep in peace or force us to live a chicken's life? Kill conscience to let the body live? Is this actually being alive? Is it actually worth it?? Ain't we all guilty in spreading this poisoned air of distrust and fear by not fighting against it???

Its just a thought

Today some children were playing "Musical Chair". Its a game where one person plays the music and all others run around chairs put in a large circle. The number of players running is one more than the number of chairs, when the music stops you grab the next chair in front of you. One person who could not find a chair is out. The game continues until there is just one person who could get chair in all the cycles. This player wins. Ideally in the game, you ain't supposed to go back to a chair. You can only run towards a chair in front of you. However, if you are just a few steps ahead of a chair when the music stops there is a tendency to go back. To some extent it is okay. If I quote chilren "itni si cheating allowed hai"... or This much cheating is allowed. Funny, isn't it? We know its cheating, yet to some extent its allowed.

I find the same thing in our daily lives. We allow a little bit of cheating in our lives. It okay to jump a few lights if there is no direct immediate harm (and there is no cop around :)); its okay to take just one shot and drive, its fine to lie once in a while about sick leave, its not so bad to buy pirated DVDs or software. We tend to define our own acceptable limits. Our own standards. Often though there are universally laid standards (called laws)... we ignore them, find loopholes or casually avoid them, knowing you can always escape from petty crimes.

I wonder was there ever or would there ever be some universally acceptable line that we would adhere to even when nobody is watching? Who decides what is acceptable and what not when we don't accept the laws? If its okay to buy pirated movies, what makes us shout when some other country patents our basmati or when Amir does not give Chetan Bhagat his due right as story writer in 3 Idiots? Ain't these all infrigement of Intellectual Property Rights (IPR)? If we do not mind below age children(read below 25 in Delhi) to drink once in a while or to buy cigarattes from a shop why do we hate when someone gives them drugs? Isn't it all corruption of young minds? There is a line in Shantaram, saying some people are guided by the amount of sin there is in a crime and depending on the sin value, they can neglect/ do not mind doing the crime. While some others are led by the amount of crime in a sin, i.e.. depending on how much value they can make from the crime associated, they will perform the sin. The first may allow you to bribe a man but not kill him. The sin value of man slaughter is more than slaughter of just the soul. The second way may tempt you to sell drugs instead of selling liquor to children.This is because the crime or money involved is more in first. But you cannot separate the sin and the crime. You always weigh them and decide, how much your conscience (or lack there of) can take.

I wonder if we have all unclear and movable lines, do we actually have a line as well? We ignore the rules based on various unrelated parameters. In that case, is there any rule that we will stick to no matter how much is the profit or loss involved? Would there be a standard when all standards are abolished? Or would we always find a euphemism for doing unethical stuff...like "being professional"? I always believe that having 46 chromosomes or straight thumb doesn't necessarily mean you are human. Would there be some definition of humans based on their character traits and not just physical ones?

I've been thinking

A friend has been posting updates about her trip to some place beautiful on a social networking site... seems an amazing place from comments like its snowing, beautiful color of the clouds... a mountain goat... it was all soo nice and I wished that I was there too. The only disturbing thing was the fact that all these details were shared before the trip was over. Yeah technology... you can tell the whole world about something the moment you want. You can tell that you saw a rainbow, and that you smell rain in the air and that you are upset over Rakhi Sawant having to handle a baby!!!

Twitter, facebook, orkut are they fulfilling our need to connect? Is there any void in our lives, a life devoid of real caring friends that we fill by having online "fans" ? Do we need to tell people about how great or how hopeless we feel .... that we exist? We have to "tweet" about every thing that we are doing, believing that people do care, and strangely they do. They care because its a game of give and take... you have to be interested in knowing whether a person 700 miles away slept after a nightmare or not, so that he can ask you what you cooked for breakfast. All the time, people closer home might be buried deep down in depression and loneliness.

Sometimes I wonder, have we become dependent on technology? I need to check my emails first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. I feel restless if I cannot access my gmail account or office mailbox, as if the whole world is waiting for me to take a decision on ending the nuclear war. I have to check my orkut account, although I know that there wont be any new scrap. I just have to do it to know if some friend of friend of friend has posted some good picture or news. I need to check facebook, although I hate the UI, just to know about friends. My parents get tensed if I donot pick up their call or my phone is not reachable. Its hard for them to believe that nobody is after my multi billion dollar company. My friends and I cannot coordinate to meet if there is no cellphone, even if its a pre-decided spot at a precise time. Yes I believe technology has become an indispensable part of our daily lives.

Are we trying to escape from reality in all those chat rooms or online games or watching the most eligible bachelor, Rahul Mahajan pick his bride? As a popular ad says "Real life is boring", so we replace it with drama, even if the drama is someone else's spiced up life.

Undoubtedly, technology has advantages... well that was the reason someone invented internet or TV or mobile phones!!! I can talk to people close to me any time of the day, even if we are miles apart. I have met some friends I lost touch with through social networking sites. You get to meet people from different parts of the world, talk to them, understand their culture and differences, without ever meeting them.. thanks to the internet. People have used the network to spread awareness about some cause and motivate people. There is no denying the fact that you can reach much more people, much more faster and much more easily, if you know which links to click.

However, like all other things, there has to be a limit. You have to decide what is information and what is spam. How much is too much. Whether you are living in a real world or fiction. Noone else can make the decision for you. The point where line is drawn might be different, but the fact that there has to be a line is still valid.